Chihuahua!
by Miss Selah
Summary: Sarah has perfected the art of the half-hour orgasm... JS


**A/N**: In case you couldn't tell from _Venice, _I have a thing about Chihuahuas. More importantly, I have a thing about getting that blasted song out of my head. Those yappy little bastards plague my every thought somedays, and I can't help but feel that it's all a sick, elaborate prank. That, and Animal Crossing. But don't even get me _started _on that. . .

Also, this could be a sequel piece to Venice. It really could.

Not-so-subtle cross over from Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Friggin' Chloe was so cute.. She looked like she was about to _cry _all the time, and I couldn't hate her. Damn Chihuahuas…

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_**Chihuahua**_!

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Sarah Williams has perfected the art of the half-hour orgasm.

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The foregoblins of Labyrinth were tricky little buggers. They saw all things not as they were, but more of as they had been and as they would be. And, like all the rest of the goblins that exist inside and outside of the protective walls of the great maze, they enjoyed a good prank. Perhaps a wee bit too much.

It was about sixty million years prior to the Great Collapse of Good Governance in the Labyrinth when a group of foregoblins all at once became aware that the Once and Future King of the Labyrinth and the Goblins, Jareth, had taken a liking to a certain human Sarah Williams and had plans to go to her in her small, one bedroom flat in Boston (keep in mind that _Boston _didn't exist at this time, let alone _Flats…_) and they did what all goblins did if you get more than two of them together in a room with a tun full of owl-wine (not that owls existed at this point in time, or wine either, nor would it for at least fifty eight million years, but don't forget that these are _foregoblins _and hey, what's a few million years between friends?). The foregoblins got together and, being the tricky little buggers that they are, thought up the most _glorious _plan.

They snorted, and began to concoct the single worst song ever written. It would be awful. Terrible lyrics about a ratty beast, fast, two-step beat, and a catchy tune that would get stuck in anyone's head.

And so it began…

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In a small, one bedroom apartment in Boston, Massachusetts, Sarah Williams was having an orgasm.

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Jareth's scowl was something to be remarked upon. Yes, the Goblin King was indeed a surly, foul man when the mood struck him, but rarely had the goblins seen such a fierce look of longing and anger as they did in that moment.

He was staring longingly in to a crystal ball and watching Sarah Williams, the Once and Future Queen of the Labyrinth, writhing in ecstasy.

And here he was, trapped by the rules of the Labyrinth, while an idiotic pro-ana twit ran his Labyrinth, trying to win back her Aunt's yappy little rat.

_Chihuahua…_ she had told him from the first. _It's a Chihuahua…_

He still had no idea where in the world the Goblins had heard that blasted _song _from.

A low moan drew his attention back to the crystal, and with a frustrated growl, he chucked the cursed thing out a window.

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Sarah Williams was _still_ having an orgasm in Boston. It was the same orgasm. She was sitting upright, her head thrown back in a fit of wild passion, and rivulets of sweat are running down her neck.

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There was a _second verse _to the song.

Jareth suddenly wished he had a nice, large vat of Owl Wine to drown himself in. Without warning, though, a wide smile broke over his face. Just because he couldn't be there with the silly girl didn't mean that he couldn't help _her _along. Just until he was free of the annoying dog…

"_Oh, Chihuahua!" _

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Her eyes were closed, her jaw was clenched, and her body was jerking with all the grace of a pregnant hippopotamus when she felt phantom hands gently rubbing her, on at her chest, the other her center, and Sarah threw her head back and _screamed. _

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"_Gotcha… it's the song about Chi-hua-hua…" _

He was going to find a fork and jam it in his ears. "Goblin King!" Rachel yelled from her dark spot in the ouibliette. "You owe me a new cashmere jacket!" She tripped over something in the darkness, and yelped. "And a _manicure!" _

"_When you're about to freak out, just go ahead and shout it out!"_

It bit him, and he refused to give it the satisfaction of wincing.

"Blasted Chihuahuas!"

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She had been orgasming for three minutes now, and it's a very powerful orgasm, and it's showing no signs of stopping. In fact, if anything, it's _intensifying. _All of her soft but strong bits are flexing and unflexing in an uncontrollable spastic rhythm as a low moan dances in the back of her throat.

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Rachel reached the fieries, and for absolutely no reason at all, they all seemed to covet her _shoes. _She glowered at the crystal that Jareth had sent to spy on her as though it was somehow _his _fault. "And _now _you owe me a new pair of Beige Manolo Blanics… and I will have you know that _that _particular shoe was _discontinued!" _

Jareth decided immediately that the Goblins singing was infinitely better than the shrill, ear splitting screams that followed when the fieries tried to _eat _said shoes. He turned to another crystal, a much more favorable scene, and tried to ignore the impossible anomaly of his growing hard-on.

The Goblins had decided to start _making up their own lyrics._

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Sarah Williams orgasm is at six minutes and counting. She's leaning forward now, a fine sheen of sweat highlighting her extended neck and swaying breast. Her pale blue eyes are wide with wonder, and her smile is beatific.

If you are a man, you have never felt anything like what Sarah Williams is feeling right now. Hell, if you are a woman you probably haven't felt it either. She is moving purposefully, and Jareth's phantom hands aren't stopping, and they are both working hard to milk every last drop of ecstasy form her exhausted body. It comes easily to them, though, as if they have done this before.

In fact, they _have_ done this before. _Many _times before.

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The foregoblins, who had invented the blasted song and given the lyrics to one DJ Bobo, were, sixty million years prior, laughing their predictive little bums off. Jareth would have strangled them if he knew. That just made it all the more fun.

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She's still coming! Nine minutes have passed and Sarah's monumental orgasm was still going strong. But then again, she has been on a plateau of ecstasy for a long, long time.

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He had broken in to the Castle's winery, a feat that had proved impossible during many prior attempts. He was a man on a _mission, _this time though. Sarah's pleasure-ridden form was stuck behind his eyelids, causing him to have a very embarrassing and _very _large problem, that song was starting to catch in his head, and that Rachel-girl would be done with the Labyrinth any minute now, and he wasn't _about _to face her sober.

The door swung open, not daring to defy him, and he smile."Now _there's _a sight for sore eyes…" He whispered lovingly as he caressed an expensive bottle of Pernand-Veregelesses. He wasted no time. There was _drinking _to be done!

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The most active part of Sarah's orgasm is over. It is now eleven and one half minutes since she sat upright and _squeaked _her way through her suddenly constricted throat. Now, as she sprawls and stretches over the non-corporeal form of her far-off lover, she begins to feel as though she is floating, and she thinks to herself, _now here comes the really good part…_

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Five bottles of Pouilly Fuisse, two _extremely _expensives glasses of Gevrey-Chambertin, a half a case of Chevalier-Montrachet, three cups of Savigny-Les-Beaune, a sip of Ladiox, and splash of Nuits-St-Georges, a drizzle of Romanee-Conti, another two glasses of Vosne-Romanee, an entire bottle of '54 Chabolle-Musigny, and a shot of Chablis, and Jareth felt he was just drunk enough that he could deal with that irritating twit that had thought to turn her rat over to him. He was _also _so drunk at this time that he felt compelled to just _give _the selfish girl her Aunt's dog back, if only it meant that the wretched beast would stop _barking _so loudly.

"Give me the dog!" Rachel chanted, reading directly out of a barely touch copy of _Labyrinth. _Jareth had to wonder he she had ever even read more than the first page before today. She delivered her lines _terribly. _"Through dangers untold, and hardships un-unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the Chihuahua you have stolen from me."

"_Take it." _Jareth slurred as he tossed the creature at her. Rachel missed, and Chloe landed with a thump and a yelp on the ground. She got up, fine, and growled at Jareth. "Filthy lil' bugger is worse than the _Goblins, _and that's certainly saying something.

"Hey!" Rachel complained. "That's not a very nice thing to say!"

Jareth gave her a flat look. "Are you really going to tell _me _what's nice and not nice?"

Chloe yapped at him.

"Don't worry Chloe. That mean old bastard probably can't even get a date… he's probably upset because he hasn't had sex in years."

That did it. "I am _upset _because I am not having sex _now, _with my _wife, _who has been coming for the last," he glanced down at his watched briefly, "_twenty-seven _minutes without me, because I had to come and answer your calls just before we got down to business!" Jareth yelled in a drunken stupor. "I am _not _a bastard, and I am _not _mean; I am FRUSTRATED with all of the _women _in my life!" Rachel blinked stupidly at him. Jareth magicked the alcohol out of his body and scowled fiercely at her. "Now take your dog back to your Aunt's you wretched, spoiled thing." With a wave of his hand, Rachel and Chloe were gone. The Goblins didn't dare make a sound.

Jareth smoothed his hair, and then his shirt, and smiled. "Now I am going to go _home _and sleep with my wife."

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One half an hour exactly after she began to orgasm, Sarah Williams came back to herself. First she became aware of her heartbeat and limbs, slightly cramped. Then she noticed that _he _was sitting on the edge of her bed, smiling at her with hooded, knowing eyes. A few seconds later she remembered his name. She felt an unnecessary surge of gratitude towards him; it is not necessary because the look on his face was awestruck and proud. _So, _she thought with a smile, _everybody wins. _

"Did you have a good time, Sarah-dear?" Jareth asked her with a wide smile.

Sarah didn't say anything about it, and stood quietly, stretching out her long limbs. She looked at the wall behind him for a clock. Four thirty. "Time for me to get a little cleaned up." She told him, tossing a cocky, self assured smile over her shoulder, and left Jareth sitting on her bed.

"Oh no you don't you saucy little minx!" said Jareth, who grabbed her about the waist and they both fell in an inelegant pile back on to the bed. "Did you think that you could get yours and just walk away?"

Sarah shrugged flirtatiously before giving him a small kiss.

"My turn…" Jareth's smile was wolfish as he pushed her back on to the bed with a laugh.

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Jareth has perfected the art of the half-hour orgasm. _Hi-chi-hua-hua._

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_A/N: More than a little inspired by Adam Felber's Schrodinger's Ball. EVERYONE needs to read it. He isn't very popular, because he is so obscure, so if you see it, you HAVE to pick it up.  
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